Are you feeling unappreciated in your marriage? Did you think your husband and your kids are taking you for granted? No offense, but, most probably, people who complain a lot about feeling unappreciated is the one who encourages others to take advantage of themselves.
Because most of them did not appreciate themself. Instead, they are actively teaching their own family to not appreciate them. Let me ask you these questions:
- Did you take care of your whole family by yourself?
- How often are you busy during the day?
- Did you often feel tired and exhausted with your never-ending works?
- How often are you stressed out with your housework, cleaning, and parenting?
Sometimes, you do not realize how much you have tried to do all the things by yourself. You are pushing yourself too hard.
Let’s take a step back and ask yourself this question, “Are you happy with what you are doing right now?”
If you are not, then something is wrong with your marriage right now. It is important to feel happy in your marriage. Because that is the first reason you are married right? You want to have a happy relationship and a happy family with the person you love.
So stop overextending yourself. Do not build a family culture that can make you been taken for granted. Stop pushing yourself beyond what you can handle. Because in the end, you are the one who deeply exhausted, feel resentful, and feel like no one ever appreciates your hard work.
Find Out What Make You Feeling Unappreciated
Usually, this is how women work by nature, when they are doing a lot of work and it doesn’t seem to make a difference to their partner, they tend to do more.
You might not realize, but when you do all kinds of stuff to your husband, from cooking to a meal, being sweet, taking care of him and everything, later on, he will be used to this kind of treatment. It becomes their norm and often overlooks your hard work.
That said, when your partner stops seeing all the things you do for them as wonderful and starts seeing them as everyday life, it will damage your relationship. It makes you feel like you are not good enough and feel like your partner is no longer interested in you.
So the first important step that you need to do right now is getting to know why you are feeling unappreciated. Spend some time to list out all the things that make you feel that way.
Is it because your partner never said thank you for everything you had done?
Or is it because he did not help you with all the housework?
Write it all down on a piece of paper. When you know the root of the problem, it is easier for you to find out the solution.
How To Deal With The Feeling Of Being Unappreciated In Your Marriage
Did you know that small changes can produce big results? What if I tell you that small change in your daily life could improve your spouse interact, feel appreciated, strengthen your bond and make your relationship better?
Well, small changes in your lifestyle are easier to achieve and maintain. And when it successful, there are more likely to become habits and improve your life. So in order to deal with the feeling of being unappreciated, you can start with these small changes.
1# Give more appreciation.
Start a gratitude practice within yourself. Appreciate the people around you including your partner. Recall back what is the thing that first attracted you to them. Go back to your early years and focus on the reasons why you both fell in love.
The reason is quite simple, when you picture your good memories in your mind repeatedly, it will rewire your brain to be naturally more grateful. This practice will help to change your brain patterns that lead to greater empathy and happiness.
If you’re wanting more appreciation, the great strategy is to actually give out more appreciation.
When you put effort to appreciate your spouse, it might help you to change the way you and your spouse communicate. And trust me, good communication will help you solve the problem.
2# Ask your spouse for appreciation.
If you want to be appreciated by your partner, you can just simply ask them. Sometimes, men are clueless, they didn’t know that you are craving for attention, acknowledgment or praise. So you just need to ask for it from your partner.
Do not keep the feeling of unappreciated by yourself, if not, you will most likely build up resentment. And if this happens, your request for appreciation will not come off as neutral, it might look like you are blaming him for something he did not aware of.
Another thing that you should keep on your mind is, do not expect appreciation from your partner for things that are simply not important to them. For example, you wake up early to prepare breakfast for your husband, but your husband actually prefers to have breakfast at a coffee shop with his friend.
When you do things that are not important to him, he might not notice your effort and treat it like it was your daily routine.
3# Ask your husband and your kids to help you.
Stay-at-home mom probably the one who facing this kind of situation a lot. As a mother, they have a strong internal drive to serve the family. They usually handle all the things by themselves, start from breakfast, cleaning, babysit and everything.
With all the works that need to be done, they are easily feeling tired and exhausted, and eventually lead to negative emotion. Which is one of it is feeling unappreciated.
If you think you are one of them, it times to ask your partner and make your kids help you. They might not a lazy person, you are the one who probably never give them a chance to shine. Maybe they lack initiative because you didn’t give them permission or encouragement to help you.
If you are doing everything by yourself, you make your families expect certain behavior from you. You are showing them that everything you do is normal. So you need to stop doing things by yourself. Get help from your partner and give the command to your kids.
4# Set your boundaries.
Learn to set some boundaries in your life. Because if you don’t, you will end up hurting yourself. For example, it is not necessary to say “yes” to everything that your partner desire or request. If you think that your partner is asking too much, refuse it by saying no.
Some people have difficulty in saying “no,” they are afraid of the reaction that they will receive from their spouse. They also believe that by saying no, their spouse will love them less. But in reality, you are just selling yourself out.
So starting today, whenever you feel like you need to stop doing things that you feel unappreciated for. Just stop doing it.
5# Know your worth
I didn’t think this is good advice. But your own happiness is the one that you put on the line. So if you already work hard trying to fix the problems and still not produce any result. You might want to ask yourself this question:
Did you want to be in this relationship? Are you happy with the relationship?
Because if you not, you might want to move on. When you learn to appreciate yourself, you will know your worth. Everyone deserves to be with someone who loves and appreciates you the way you are. In the end, it all about your choices.