Ending a relationship with someone you love is the most terrifying moment for couples. The transition of breaking up is worst, it’s like you are already finding the right person yesterday but today you stop talking to them.
You stop reminisce all the good memory and bury it as it never happened. Break up is hard enough, moving on make you utterly devastated. It is not easy to forget the past and move forward. The longer your relationship, the more intense your memory with them, and it torturing your feelings.
A breakup might hurt you emotionally and mentally, but still, you need to move forward. Do not make things harder on yourself than they have to be. Your last relationship should be your memories, you need to keep going, and maybe, it is time to look for someone else.
How long should you be single after a relationship?
A happy and long-lasting relationship is a dream for most couples. Break up left up scars but it rarely stopping you to find a better person. Remember, every failed relationship is an opportunity to find someone who is more suitable.
But it must be done correctly with proper preparation. Do not rush things out for the sake of revenge on your ex or anything similar. It is not worth it.
Honestly, it is hard to put a number on how long you should be single after a relationship. But you probably need to wait at least a month before you start a new relationship. I think it depends on how long you’ve been together, it may take less time if your previous relationship was very short.
Paulette Kouffman Sherman, Psy.D., psychologist, and author says, “Most people need a month or two to process the breakup, to mourn, and to integrate lessons before jumping back in if they were in a fairly serious relationship.”
We use the exact same theory in recovering the breakup. If you read our other post, “I Desperately Want My Ex Back,” we do write about how to cut off contact with your ex or it is called the “no contact rule.” During this time, you’re suggested to stay away from your ex for 4 weeks to 12 weeks.
The ideas behind this rule are for the grieving period and to calm down yourself. At the same time, you also need to use this opportunity to gain strength, self-confidence, self-esteem, and empowerment. You need to grow stronger.
After you go through this process, you can proceed to the next step, how to find the right person for a much better relationship.
1# Become a better version of ‘yourself’
Everyone makes mistakes from their previous relationship. You should learn from your past experiences and become a better version of yourself. As an example, if you have a bad temper in your previous relationship, you might want to learn about anger management.
If you are not improving yourself, you might keep doing the same mistake over and over again with different partners. So what’s the point of getting into a new relationship if you can’t sustain it?
You may also need to use this opportunity to change your lifestyle, go to the gym, become healthier, change your hairstyle, take care of your appearances, and more. Remember, all these changes are for your own benefit, not because you want to show your ex that you are different now.
2# Create your own checklist
Be clear about what you want from your next partner. What is your objective in a relationship? What types of men that you want in your relationship? Knowing all these answers will help you determine which type of guys that suitable for your relationship.
Your list must be simple and clear. It doesn’t need to be so details, because the more detailed your list, the harder for you to find your significant other. You obviously did not want to miss a great guy just because he is not perfectly matching your ‘so details’ list.
Another piece of advice is, do not make a list with negative statements. As an example:
- I don’t like a guy who is blah blah blah
- He must not treat me like blah blah blah
- I don’t like a guy who works in a ‘specific category.’
All these negative lists will just attract negative people, trust me. It has been proven that negative statements produce negative results. So if you focus more on the negative list, you may get someone who is on your negative list.
Be open and try to acknowledge the difference. To get more ideas on the positive traits of your future partner, you might need to check this article: What makes him good husband material.
3# Focus on the quality traits
Find and hold on to the quality traits that you want in your future partner. As an example, integrity, empathy, honesty, kindness, and reliability are good quality traits that can become a foundation of a good partnership.
These quality traits might seem a little bit boring at first. Because as a normal person, instead of these traits, we’re more eager to find someone who is interesting, fun, and attractive. But the real question is, can he be the one who makes you happy in a relationship?
As an example, a highly attractive man with a moody character might seem exciting and sexy, but can you endure one of their violent mood swings?
A dangerous, exciting, and unpredictable man can be really thriving, but it is also emotionally exhausting. When you choosing a life partner, you need someone who is going to fill your emotional cup, not the other way around.
That is why, when you really want a long-lasting, productive, and beneficial relationship, you need to look for personality traits that will lead to the outcome. Set it in your mind, when you find these qualities traits in someone, you will know that he is worth pursuing.
4# Make sure you can be yourself
Always find someone where you can be 100% yourself around them. This point might sound cliched, but it is true and straight to the point. You need to find a partner that has a complete acceptance of yourself with no judgment.
Your relationship should be safe and comfortable, it should be a place where you don’t have to keep a mask on. If your own self, or friends, or your family members notice that you are not really being yourself around that person, it could be a bad sign to your relationship.
Remember, a true relationship is about two imperfect people refusing to give up on each other, not being perfect for each other. But you still can be a better version of yourself to your future partner, read back at my point no.1.
5# Avoid deal breakers
When you’re open up to a new relationship, you definitely want a long-lasting relationship right? So you need to avoid things that you or your family adamantly against. It could be anything, and you must aware of it.
If you’re not, there will be recurring arguments and fights over these things in the future. You can’t ask your partner to changes for you. He also can’t ask you to accept all those things, it is not that simple. That is why your list (my point no.2) is important.
There are plenty of people out there that have qualities without your ‘deal breakers’ things. You just need to keep looking until you find that person. There’s no need to rush, take your time to know the person.
Good relationships take time to grow, get better with age, and shine brightly with experiences. Preparing yourself is the best decision you should take before jumping into anything permanent. I hope you like this article and please let me know what’s your thought down in the comment below.
Wish you a good day ahead.