Narcissism, contrary to popular belief, is not something negative. We all have our narcissism and the right amount of it is fundamental to achieve our goals and objectives. It helps us to gain respect, good and adequate self-esteem. The problem is not narcissism, but the excess of the same. So today’s article, we will discuss how do you tell if you are dating a narcissist?
What is narcissism?
Narcissism or narcissistic is one of the several types of personality disorders. It is a mental condition in which people have a sense of grandiosity, the need for excessive attention and admiration, lack of empathy, and troubled relationship.
This personality can causes problems in many areas of life, especially in their careers and relationships. Narcissistic people might look extremely confident, very charming, and charismatic, but the truth is, they have fragile self-esteem that is vulnerable to criticism.
They tend to exaggerate their own talents and accomplishments while downplaying those of others. They view themselves as better than everyone else. These people usually may not recognize their personality as a problem because it is against their self-image.
So if you happen to be in a relationship or dating a narcissistic person, then this post might give you some new info that could benefit you. We did not advise you to diagnose your partner, instead, we will share with you tips about their main characteristic.
So what do we mean when we talk about a narcissistic person?
Have you ever heard that someone who posts too many selfies or flex photos of themselves on social media, and constantly talking about themselves on their first date could be called a narcissist? Well, it could be true, but it also could be false.
There is no way you could predict whether your partner is narcissistic or not unless they have been diagnosed by a qualified expert. The real objective of this post is not gonna tell you whether your partner is a narcissistic person, but we really want to share is their characteristics.
How you want to deal with them onwards is totally depends on you. If your partner is not a narcissistic person but carries the same characteristic and it affects you emotionally, you should do something about it.
Because as far as I know, you are here because you’re concerned. And that concern is valid if your mental health is at stake. Without wasting any time, let’s take a look at some of the characteristics of a narcissistic person.
1# Unnecessary Love towards Self
The narcissist usually loves themselves above all things. They believe that their problems, experiences, or opinions are more important than those of the rest. So, very often, you’ll notice that they don’t consider and belittles other people’s opinions.
They usually have high expectations of how they should be treated and be loved. If they think you cross the line and make them look bad, they will become particularly enraged. The unnecessary love towards themselves and the lack of self-acceptance is making them difficult living partners.
2# They always want to feel special
They believe that they are the most beautiful person and deserve special treatment. Because of this, they tend to think that they should be surrounded by famous, beautiful, and intelligent people. That is why, on many occasions, they cannot accept things out of their preferences.
If you feel that the person you are dating always makes you feel how special he is, how handsome he is, and you won’t be able to find out anyone like him, you should be cautious. Because narcissistic people believe that they are special and superior, so they have little regard for other people’s feelings.
3# Lack of reliability
They can be really mad when someone broke the promise or fail to deliver something between their expectations. But, it will be different if they are the ones who fail to do so. Many narcissists lack reliability and follow through.
Their action usually goes against their words. As an example, they will regularly break appointments, changing meeting points, and habitually falling through promises and agreements. So if you detect a pattern of inconsistency between what your partner said versus their action, you may be dealing with a narcissist.
4# They always blame others for their failure
If the expectations are not adjusted to their abilities and they encounter negative barriers in the goals they set, they will be greatly angered. They will start blaming others for their failures. They will carry on insulting or belittling them by projecting their complex.
According to Psychology Today, people who are narcissists cannot tolerate the idea that they might be to blame, so they accuse someone else instead. They try to avoid all responsibility for anything that goes wrong to avoid self-hatred. So, they project the blame onto someone else.
5# They are exploiters
The narcissists will use their romantic partner as their unreasonable self-serving needs, fulfill the unrealized dream, and cover up their flaws. They believe that they have the right to use their partner as if they were objects.
Sometimes, they purposely target relationships with individuals who are easy to control and also can meet their own needs. They will continue to gain control of the people by eliciting difficult emotions, they are masters of manipulators.
Recheck back your relationship with your partner. If one week they are flatter with you to get you to do what they want, and then another week they use aggression, you may be manipulated by your partner. So please be cautious of the flattery and positivity when it comes.
6# They constantly picking on you
At first, it felt like they teasing you, later it got mean and become constant. In order to look superior, and to hide their insecurity and inadequacy, some narcissists will constantly put other people down. And one of them could be their partner.
This situation may occur at the initial stage of dating, you can pay attention to their jokes or comments. If they are passively or aggressively jokes/comments about your background, choices of attires, body features, as well as personal and work priorities, please be prepared.
Narcissist goal is to lower other self-esteem so that they can increase their own and make them feel powerful. Another reason why they love to belittle others is because of reaction. Your reaction shows them that they have the power to affect other people’s emotions.
7# Empathy, the missing link
The narcissist lacks empathy. Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of another. But the narcissists are unable to put themselves in the place of the other, they do not recognize the feelings and the needs of others.
In order words, they are terrible at understanding other people’s pain. They are too self-focused to be able to step out of themselves and understand other people’s feelings.
That is why they are unable to experience what the other person feels against their attacks. They don’t do emotion that belongs to others. This inability to empathize, or even sympathize is often the reason why their relationships did not work.
8# They blame their partner in their past relationships
Usually, when we talk about our past relationship, we tend to put up things in the middle. We think that we have our own mistakes that contribute to the breakup. There is always some area of improvement that we think we can do for the next relationship.
But the narcissists will think that every previous failed relationship was another person’s fault. They love to play the victim when they talk about their past relationship. In their story, they will talk about how they are perfectly blameless and their partner’s wrongdoing.
9# They don’t have any long-term, real friends
Most narcissists usually do not have any long-term real friends. If you dig deeper into their connection, you will find out that most of their friends are just casual acquaintances, coworkers, and trash-talk buddies.
This is because the narcissist has a great ability to dispose of people. When conflict arises, problems happen, or things don’t go their way, they have the ability to cut people out of their life. Their lack of empathy making this easier and normal for them.
This is why it is not uncommon for narcissists to not to have any long-term real friends. It is their own character that pushes away any good friends around them.
In a conclusion, being in a relationship with someone who is always criticizing, belittling, blaming, exploiting, and not committing to you is emotionally exhausting. Even though you may not be able to prove that your partner is a narcissist, dating someone who shows this list of behaviors is enough for you to throw the towel.
Read Next: How To Move On From Your Past Relationship
Dating with someone who shows narcissistic behaviors is quite challenging, they can’t feel fulfilled in relationships because nothing is special enough for them. It means that you will never be enough for them because they never enough of themselves.
Hope this article could help some of you who are facing the same situation as state above. Remember, you are not responsible for your partner’s behavior, but you are responsible for taking care of yourself. Good luck!
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