I Desperately Want My Ex Boyfriend Back – Here’s What You Should Do

Reading Time: 12 minutes

If you desperately want your ex-boyfriend back, the first thing you should do is stop doing that. Don’t be in such a hurry to get him back, it is a big mistake!

Well, there is no doubt about how desperate you can be after a breakup with someone you love. You might be feeling lost, devastated, confused, and miserable. This feeling is not something that you can easily avoid because it is related to your brain and heart.

Scientifically, researchers who have looked at the brains of the lovelorn say, rejection by a romantic partner lights up a few areas of the brain. Which is connected to addiction, reward, craving, and depression. This is why facing a breakup with your romantic partner becomes quite challenging.

No matter how much you have been prepared to face this situation, it still not gonna be easy. What is most important, do not let your feeling consume your mind. You need to stay in your right mind. Because if you are not careful, breakups can be so detrimental to your health and your well-being.

It’s okay to be grieving over for some time, but you need to get over it as soon as you can. I know getting over is easier to say than being done. But if you manage to think that your breakup is your new opportunity, then it will be easier for you to move forward.

So in this article, I will share with you practical knowledge that you can use to control your feeling and maybe get your ex-boyfriend back. There is no such thing as a 100% guarantee, but I strongly believe that you will get a ton of value from this article.


First Thing You Should Do – Cut Off Contact With Him

If you ask me why you should cut off contact with him? The answer is, you want him to realize how much he misses you. When you keep chasing him, trying to fix the situation, you are at a disadvantage. On the other hand, cut-off contact with him will change the game. You become unpredictable.

Without chasing him or telling him that he is wrong, you are actually let him sit in his own discomfort. With this, you have demonstrated that you are a class act. And soon he will realize that he has lost the best thing he ever had.

So to make it happen, there can’t be any contact between both of you.

  • No texting and calling
  • Stop contacting him online (FB, Twitter, Instagram, Email, etc)
  • Don’t try to run into him “by accident”
  • No spending time with his friends or friends in common. If not, you might bump into him.

The length of time required totally depends on your situation. To give you a rough idea, it’s gonna be from about 4 weeks to 12 weeks.

Seriously? I’m might gonna lose him like forever!

Yeah I know that sounds scary. Because you will be worried that your ex eventually will move on and forget about you. But for me, if he left you for good, then let him be. You can also start looking for another potential boyfriend. Okay just kidding, but I mean it.

This method is a tried and true method. It also is known as one of the most effective methods to get your ex back. If you don’t believe in the no contact rule, maybe this is the right time for you to start believing in it. I will explain to you down below why this method works so well.

Before that, you might need to check on this video. This video is from my favorite breakup coach, Brad Browning. He shares his thought on 7 mistakes that will push away your ex forever.

Brad Browning is the author of the top seller The Ex-Factor Guide, which is a great guide on how to get your ex back. If you are interested to know more about his program, you can check my full review of the program here

What You Should Know About No Contact Rule?

First, don’t ever think that the no contact rule is about denaying your ex or punishing them. This is the wrong mindset. The real objective of the no contact rule is to make your ex fear losing you for good, and use this opportunity to win him back!

At the early stage, you will feel sad, you will grieve and it kind of let you down. But have faith. Along the way, you also gain strength, confidence, self-esteem, and empowerment.

Because the no contact rule is not just about not contacting him, but what you are doing during the no contact time is what matters. Remember, use this time to do things that will improve your chances of getting him back.

1# Give yourself and your ex some space

Trying to convince your ex to get back right after a breakup will just push him further away. Instead, give him some time and space to get over his anger and resentment. Once he calms and clears his mind, good thoughts and memories will eventually return. And he will start missing you again.

The same thing goes for you. A short break right after breakup going to give you time to work on yourself. Instead of crying on the couch all day, you can do some activities that can make you feel better. As an example, head to the gym, hang out with your friends and go try something new.

All these activities will help you clear your mind and make you feel better. Indirectly, it will help you think more rationally instead of emotionally about your relationship.

2# Distance yourself from the source of hurt

No contact rule helps you distance yourself from the source that hurt you. In this case, your ex-boyfriend might be the source of hurt, so you need to stay away as far as possible. This method works best if you not knowing anything about what he’s been up to.

If you think that communicating will make things better, trust me, it won’t. Making any contact with him would only deepen the wound that you already have. Your relationship was damaged and the trust was broken. That is why you need to distance yourself and let both of you be healed.

Remember, it takes time to heal. But time heals nothing unless you move along with it. So don’t look back, keep your head straight and move forward.

3# Get control of yourself and be better

I know it is hard to distance yourself from the person you love. But it doesn’t mean that it is impossible. During the no contact rule, you need to control yourself and your feeling. Never appear needy or desperate in front of him.

Men are drawn to women who are cheerful and happy with themselves. Meanwhile, needy and desperate are traits that will kill any attraction that your man may have for you.

Read Next: What Makes Him A Good Husband Material – Know If He’s The One

So recall back what makes him interested in you before? Be that person or better, live your life happily and let your radiant energy shine again.

4# Self-reflection

What once was pain and sadness could become anger and hatred. You will start to see how selfish and deceitful he is. Then, you will associate him with villains, monsters, or maybe the devil. And without you realize, you might be blaming him for everything.

Putting the blame on your partner is just an excuse to make you feel better. Because it’s easier to deal with anger than pain. But it’s not worth it, you will just waste your time, energy, and at the same time, you will not move forward.

Self-reflection plays an important role here. Instead of blaming your partner, you could take a real look at what your past relationship was. For example, if you tend to question your partner about their whereabouts because you have a hard time trusting them, you need to fix this.

Do the inner work to learn how to put trust in your partner. That way, if he decides to come back, this issue would not resurface again and contribute to another breakup.

5# Learn to look at the brighter side of things

A breakup could be terrible, but you need to believe that there is always a good side to every bad event. Having a breakup with someone you love is not the end of the world. Sometimes, it could be a blessing in disguise.

You are beautiful and attractive. Don’t let one man keep you from living your life to the fullest. You also have your family and friends that love you unconditionally. Appreciate the people around you who value you enough and always stay with you.

Other than that, take this opportunity to learn how to treat yourself first and what’s do best for yourself. You can stop thinking about getting back at him first, instead, put your effort working on bettering yourself. Make plans for your future and focus on your goal.

All that matters now is you and what you deserve. While he notices your absence from his life, you already moving forward by improving yourself, feeling better and stronger. You have also become more independent and healthier physically and mentally.

How Can You Make Him Want You Back?

If you really want your ex back, you need to come with a solid plan. Benjamin Franklin once said, “By failing to prepare, you are preparing to fail.” That said, without proper planning, your percentage of success is very low.

That’s why I write this article carefully, I want it to be something worth your time. Even though there is no guarantee that you will get your ex-boyfriend back, at least, I want you to get something in return.

If you read the article until here, half of the plan has already been covered in the no contact rule section. You already learn why you should cut off contact with him, why you should not beg for him, how to give him space, and focus on your self-development. In the next section, we will focus more on you.

But first, you must have this kind of mindset. You didn’t do all these things because of him, but you did this because of yourself. You want to changes, you want to upgrade your life, and you want to be a better version of yourself.

Physical Changes That Can Attract Your Ex-Boyfriend

Physical changes are important in order to win back your ex-boyfriend. But it must be done in a professional way. When you cut off contact with your ex, there is a huge possibility that your ex is going to check on you during this period.

So instead of showing him someone who is sulking around and feeling sorry for herself, it will be much better to show him a strong, sexy, and happy woman.

Read Next: How To Tell If An Ex Boyfriend Wants You Back

But you need to remember this, whenever you tried to make changes for yourself, don’t make it obvious that you want to show it to your ex. I still remember when my best friend breaks up with her girlfriend. Shortly thereafter, her ex comes back to the place where we always hang out, but this time she came with a different appearance.

She changes her hairstyle, changes her outfit, and looks totally stunning for me. But my friend thinks otherwise, he said something like this, “What the hell is she doing here with that look, if she tried to draw me back to her, I totally not interested.”

I was quite shocked. I said that she doing it for you. Why you did not appreciate it? And this is his response, “We just break up, what is her point showing up here with that look? Did she try to make me jealous because I break up with a beautiful girl like her? Well, I’m not!”

The moral of the story, don’t make it too obvious and don’t change because of your ex. You should do it for yourself. Changing your physical appearance does work, but it must be done correctly and naturally. Here are a few examples of physical changes you can make to win your ex back.

1# Change your hairstyle

Changing your hairstyle can change your whole look. And changing your whole look is always been a symbolic way to show that you’re moving on. You also can use this opportunity to get a hairstyle that you never get before.

When you are going through a breakup, you are bound to lack confidence and feeling down. So changing your hairstyle is one of the ways to make yourself feel better. Because now you can control your decision without needing anyone’s opinion.

2# Get in shape!

Stop making excuses and start hitting the gym. Exercise is good for your health and it also makes you feel good. Often, after a breakup, we’re feeling down, not in the mood, and have low self-esteem. So working out will help you overcome these feelings.

Exercise helps release endorphins, which are chemicals produced by the body to relieve stress and pain. According to Medical News Today, endorphins are often called “feel-good” chemicals because they can act as a pain reliever and happiness booster.

So if you feel like crying on the couch with your favorite ice cream all day, you better brush up and head to the gym. I know it won’t be easy, but you need to push yourself. Because once you hit the gym and start to work out, you will feel better.

3# Update your wardrobe

You know what, this is a very interesting topic to discuss. If you have never ever been interested in this topic, and not even once set up your wardrobe, this is the right time to do so. Upgrading your style can make you feel more alert and ready for the challenges. It also can make you feel pretty, confident, and on top of things.

The good news is, you don’t need to spend all your money shopping or follow the trend blindly. Instead, you can start by reflecting on your current style. Think about what you wear the most in a given week. And what one change you could make that can elevate your look right now?

You need to look for the smallest change that will make the biggest difference. To get more ideas on this, maybe you can start googling on “simple ways to upgrade your wardrobe.” Updating your wardrobe is a long game, so don’t rush or overspend your money.

Mental Changes That Can Help You Regain Confidence

Now you already know about what you need to do with your physical changes, let move forward with your mental state. This is known as the harder part to be improved.

When you experiencing a breakup, it can make you felt a deep sense of loneliness, confused and disoriented. You may find yourself obsessing about your ex-boyfriend, unable to concentrate on other things, and feeling bad about yourself.

Read Next: How Not To Be Selfish In A Marriage

This is where cutting off contact will play his part. No contact period will give you time to calm down from your mental tension after having a breakup. Luckily, there are few ways that you can follow to feel like yourself again, boost your mental health, and don’t forget to get professional help if you need it.

Focus your energy on your work

If you are a student, focus on your studies. If you are an employee, focus on your work, and if you got nothing to do, find something. You can do a part-time job or voluntary work. The real objective is to try to distract your mind.

Renew a hobby/routine

Doing the same hobby or routine that you and your ex used to do together is a bad idea. Because all the activity will remind you of your ex-partner. As I have told you above, you need to distance yourself from the source that hurt you. And following the old routine is one of them.

Don’t forget to have some fun

Your friends are your great allies. Stick with your friends, go out and have fun with them. Having fun with the person you love can make you feel happier. At this stage, you will begin to feel more calm and relaxed.

And now you can start put pieces of your life back together and plan forward. The sorrow and sadness will likely still be there, but you slowly be able to overcome them.

Do Not Start Dating Other People For The Sake Of Dating

I think this topic is worth to be mention here. If you think that start dating someone else will help you shows that you are moving on, you are totally wrong. When you need someone else as the reason to show that you are already moving on, you are not moving on at all.

You just pretend like you already move forward, but deep down inside, you know the truth better than anyone else. Don’t treat people like a tool, they don’t deserve to be played by someone who does not truly love them.

No offense, but I totally don’t believe that you need to have a relationship with someone else to build your self-confidence, boost your self-esteem, or recover from a broken relationship. You should not start a relationship with someone else just because you want to keep your mind off of your ex.

Just try to put yourself in that “someone’s” shoes. How do you feel if you know that your partner starts dating you just because of his ex-girlfriend? Do you think it is fair for you? If you think that it is not, then do not play the same card to the others.

But if you really fall in love with someone else after a breakup, go for it. There is nothing wrong with it because you are already single.

Will Your Ex-Boyfriend Come Back To You?

Getting back together with your ex-boyfriend isn’t impossible, but it can be hard. Honestly, no matter what method you used, there is no guarantee that your ex-boyfriend will come back to you. The best thing you could do is improve yourself and be ready to do the work if you do get back together.

Be clear about how you want your relationship to be this time. Learn from your past experience and behave in ways that support your vision in a new relationship. Let your relationship grow positively and stay open to the outcome.

And if you need professional help but are not sure where to start, I suggest you get the information from The Ex Factor Guide. That program basically gives you the basic help that you need after a breakup. Here you can read my full review of the program.

Remember, if he doesn’t come back, do not blame yourself. Maybe there is someone else who is better for you. You also will be a stronger and better version of yourself. And your new better version will attract a new better man.

That’s all from me, I hope you get all the positive inputs from this article and have a more loving relationship in the future. And don’t forget to leave your comment down below if you had any questions. Have a nice day!

10 replies
  1. mary
    mary says:

    I have always wanted the best for me and my lover. We live together so happily that we had never had issues which we can’t resolve. He was the best for me. We have been in a relationship for over 3 years now. Until one day, he suddenly told me that he doesn’t want our relationship anymore. I tried to talk to him but my words were so useless to him. I was so confused and I land at your site. Thank you so much Harry, I learn from you that I should appreciate myself more. I learn that I need to love myself first before I am able to love someone else. Your word encourages me to be a better version of myself. I’m happy right now, and this is the kind of relationship that I’m looking for.

  2. Julie
    Julie says:

    I and my boyfriend were meant to be forever but he met another girl at his workplace. She did everything to break us apart B’cos she was younger and attractive. I’m not sure what to do at first. But thanks to your post, it makes me calm and positive about myself.


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