How To Tackle Your Man’s Hero Instinct

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Have you ever heard about man’s hero instinct? A new concept in dating psychology that focuses on a man’s fundamental biological drive?

Some people say that understanding the concept might help you create a happy and harmonious relationship over the long haul. It also holds the key to making a man fall in love with you and commit to the relationship.

When I first hear about this concept, I feel inquisitive, especially about the biological drive part. So I do my own research and read the original book “His Secret Obsession” where the first hero instinct term was introduced.

According to James Bauer, a relationship psychologist and the one who coined the term, man’s hero instinct is a man’s biological urge to feel needed and wanted. It is something related to their deepest desire for meaning and purpose.

Sound interesting right?

However, this ideology of hero instinct is still quite a controversial topic, it has been debated a lot online, some may believe about its existence, and some may not.

So, in today’s article, I will share with you everything I know about the hero instinct and how it can help you in your relationship. Hopefully, this information can help you understand your man’s needs and strengthen your relationship.

man's hero instinct

What Is a Man’s Hero Instinct?

A hero is defined as someone who is admired for their bravery in achieving something great. They are usually strong, good-looking, upright, and never give up. They’re also daring enough to run towards the danger just to save the world and the people they care about, especially their women.

So basically, this is what we will imagine when we hear about the ‘hero’ term.

Unfortunately, things gonna be a little bit different for the man’s hero instinct. This so-called hero instinct is not about saving the world, but it is more about the biological drive that all men needed to feel satisfied.

According to the hero instinct:

  • Men want to be respected, especially by their women.
  • They want to be useful and be able to provide for those they care about.
  • They want to feel important as they like to feel needed.

Historically, this hero instinct can be seen distinctly in our old tribe or past generation where most men are warriors. As warriors, they protect their tribes from enemies and feed their tribes by hunting.

Psychologically, all those activities or cultures are all about satisfaction, their desire to feel important. They want to show how useful, strong, and effective they are among their peers.

So if you relate this behavior with our modern society nowadays, you will get to see that wealth and other great accomplishments are gained to demonstrate men’s capabilities. It’s become preferable and attractive for men to have this quality.

That said, the same theory was used for relationship purposes. It’s has been theorized that women should appeal to a man’s hero instinct in order to keep peace and respect in a relationship.

Men Are Born with Hero Instinct

Hero instinct is a biological drive, just like thirst, hunger, and sex. It is men’s desire to feel important and strong in their own circle. It inspires them to become better and push forward to maintain the status or standard that was created by themselves.

Men are born with this immature instinct at first. You can clearly see the signs of a hero when you look at the boy’s interest. Most of the young boys have some part of him who wants to be a Hero. Either they want to be a Superman, Batman, Ironman, Spiderman, you name it.

And the reason is quite simple, they think heroes are good, heroes can protect their family, heroes can protect the girl they loved and heroes can save the world!

But this interest will slowly fade when they grew up. It’s not that it is 100% gone, but after they gain experiences, and see how the world works, their perspective changes. Their hero instinct starts to grow up into the mature form and makes him become a proper grown-up man.

Man’s hero instinct can indirectly contribute to the relationship. If you look at your man closely, you will realize that he is always looking out after you, taking care of you, and making sure everything is going well for you.

He tries his best to make you happy, provide you pleasure, and make sure you feel safe. He never asks you or talks to you about this.

But deep down inside, he wants to prove how worthy and capable he is for you.

With all the efforts that he has been put into the relationship, he actually needs something in return. And that is what we’ve been discussing in this article. He actually needs feedback, as a result of his action. He wants you to appreciate and admire him for his effort.

That is why when you appreciate your man and put your trust in him, he feels needed and special. This feeling makes him feel satisfied, it gives him hope and the belief that you are the one for him for the rest of his life.

By understanding this theory, you could be your man’s deepest passion and priority in his life. His heart will be yours and he’ll do anything just to make you happy.

Why Is Hero Instinct So Important?

He might not have told you in words, but as a partner, knowing your man’s primal desire will help you understand how his heart and mind work. You will get to know what he truly needs and use it to your advantage.

Your partner will feel like you know them inside out and feel satisfied whenever they’re with you. That is why hero instinct is important. It helps you fill the hole inside a man’s heart. The hole that longing for something other than a beautiful look or love.

Men are often clueless about these types of things. So when you are able to understand the concept, it will be much easier for you to communicate with them.

Hero instinct is all about psychological needs through both communication and expression.

As long as you understand those needs, your man will be more than happy to become your hero in your daily life.

Benefits of Hero Instinct for You and Your Man

Men want to feel like to be a man. It might sound silly but it is the truth. The true meaning behind this is your man wants to be treated as a man, they want to feel like a man. If they fail to feel what they need to feel, they might feel less masculine, feel undervalued, and less themselves.

So instead of making your man feel unessential, you should make him feel wanted and needed. Let him fulfill his biological urge to step up the plate for you. Let him take care of you, let him be your shield, and let him truly be your man.

As a man, when his women depend on him, his confidence gets an extra boost. This could be because of the man’s natural instinct that wants to protect and care for those around them. They want to fulfill their desired instinct for meaning, respect, and being a provider.

So when this instinct gets activated, they will become more connected to their partner. They feel better about themselves and will be able to see their partner in a whole new light. As a result, both of you will have a better and long-lasting relationship.


How to Trigger a Man’s Hero Instinct

According to James Bauer, a relationship coach for over 12 years. He shared that during his work in these industries, when he coached men, he heard over and over again that they (men) wanted to feel that they were important and special to their women.

In other words, they wanted to feel like a hero.

It is something that men need in order to feel their women’s love.

Men adore those who admire his hard work or see him as a hero, a dependable man in all things.

James also believed that, no matter how in love that man is, if the woman he is with doesn’t bring out his hero instinct, he will feel like something is missing. There is a hole in their heart.

That said, getting to know how to tackle your man’s hero instinct, can make you able to take a positive action to influence your man’s emotion and bring him closer to you.

After long research and doing case studies about his clients, James Bauer discovers something called a man’s hero instinct. Then he compiled all the resources to write a guide called ‘His Secret Obsession.

James technique can be very helpful if you’re facing this type of problem:

  • You feel like you’re just a placeholder
  • You think a lot about him, but he only thinks of himself
  • He says he loves you but isn’t in love with you
  • Why won’t he commit to you?
  • Why does he so quiet? What is he really thinking?
  • Why does he start ignoring you?
  • Does he really love you? Or he just wants to be alone?
  • It’s already over, but you want him back.

His guide helps women to understand specific tricks and phrases that can be used to improve their relationships. He also teaches you how to build attraction and how to understand what your man wants in a relationship.

Here is the link for James Bauer’s explanation.

You can check the video first and come back here to read my detailed explanation about the guide, which can be found here: His Secret Obsession Review.

So basically, James believes that men fall for women because of how those women make them feel.

When a man feels like a hero in a woman’s eyes, he will give his heart and his undying loyalty to her.

Most of the women think they can earn a man’s appreciation by doing a lot of things for them. But it is actually not. If you want to earn their appreciation, you should start to appreciate them first.

The more you appreciate them, the more they will appreciate you. So when they appreciate you, they will give more attention to you.

That feeling triggers their ‘hero instinct.

Other than appreciation, there are other things that you can practice in your relationship.

These are a few examples of how to trigger your man’s hero instinct.

1# Ask for his help

Independent women are great, but most men will feel like a dumb guy around them. I didn’t say that women shouldn’t be independent. It is good to be independent, go for it. But it won’t hurt you if you depend a bit on your partner.

Okay, try to recall back your action toward your man, did you do everything for him like her mother? Or are you feeling dissatisfied with your man’s help because you think you can do better?

Well, it is good that you can do all the things by yourself. But when you didn’t give him a chance to do something, you just make him feel useless and discontented with themselves.

As your man, he wants you to need him to some extent. He wants you to ask for his help when you are in need, without thinking twice.

Do you remember this song?

I’m only one call away
I’ll be there to save the day
Superman got nothing on me
I’m only one call away

And when you’re weak, I’ll be strong
I’m gonna keep holding on
Now don’t you worry, it won’t be long, darling
And when you feel like hope is gone
Just run into my arms

Charlie Puth – One Call Away

This is exactly how men are thinking. They want you to ask them for help when you need them. Even though they are not as strong as Superman, they still strive their best to look after you.

No matter how bad things are, they just want you to know that they are behind you to support you no matter what.

Plus, you didn’t need to wait for something big to happen before you can ask for his help. What you can do is, start asking for his help no matter how trivial things are. It’s doesn’t make you needy, but it makes you a woman with space for a man.

For example, when you tell him about your works, try to get a piece of advice or personal opinion from him. It might not look like a big deal for you, but getting him into an important discussion will make him feel needed and special.

If your car got a flat tire, ask him to help you out.

If you can’t open a tight jar when you cook, go to him for help.

This small simple gesture is going to make them feel needed and manly. Let’s be honest here, which hero doesn’t like to feel manly? Am I right?

Lastly, don’t forget to say thank you with a big smile of appreciation for his kind assistance. If you practice this, he will be your own superhero in the most random everyday things.

2# Thanks to him for every single thing he does.

Remember that I’m saying the more you appreciate him, the more he will appreciate you back? Well, the easiest way to show your appreciation is through the word “thank you”.

This simple phrase is very powerful than you could ever realize. Thank him for every little thing that he does for you.

Did he help you with the chores?

Thank him.

Did he drive you to work?

Thank him.

Did he cook you a meal?

Thank him.

He’s the real hero to you every single day, even though you may not see it.

Maybe he just dropped everything in his hand in order to help you. Or, he is the only one who still believes in you when nobody else won’t. Maybe his advice gives you the courage to make a difficult decision.

We tend to take things for granted, that’s why sometimes we didn’t see the positive value in our partner.

3# Respect is earned not given.

Respect comes along with admiration and honor which showed for someone who you think they have good qualities and is important. And your man is searching for that.

He works hard to earn your respect. He wants to prove to himself that he’s able to do that. So please don’t take away his purpose. Instead, give him space and opportunity to prove themselves. Your main role is to support him.

Take a step back and let him win over you. It’s rare to see a woman who’s can satisfy this emotional need in men. And if you do, you can captivate his heart so that he’ll spend his entire life with you.

4# Show your happiness

Let him know that he always makes you feel happy.

We all want to make our partners feel happy right? Your man is no different. So whenever he tried to make you happy, show your smile, laugh with him, and enjoy his company.

These simple gestures can be very powerful. It is an action showing that all his efforts were not for nothing. You make him feel like he’s living his best life and being with you is the best decision they ever make.

And if you ask me why they feel that way? My answer is simple because you let them feel that way.

Showing your happiness is one of the feedback that I mentioned above. Men are driven to take care of their women and make their life better. So when your partner wants to make you happy, you have to let them do that.

If you genuinely show him that he is able to make you happier than anyone else possibly could, you’re basically fulfilling their hero instinct. Your happiness will make him happy too.

5# Put your trust in him

Every relationship is built based on trust. It is an important variable for a healthy and strong relationship. Without it, the relationship will be unsteady and easily fall apart.

Trusting your partner means that you can rely on them and feel secure around them. So put your trust in your partner, believe in him, and have faith in him.

When you face difficult times, rely on your partner by asking for his help. And in order to do that, you need to put your trust in him. As a partner, even though he might not be able to solve your problems, it still satisfied him because he feels needed and trustworthy.

6# Speak positively to others about him

All heroes need recognition from people for the good things they have done right? This recognition gives them positive energy to push forward and face the challenges. The same goes for your partner.

When you speak positively to others about him, you will make him feel on top of the world. The positive reaction or feedback from his own partner will make him feel seen and appreciated by everyone around him.

So starting today, try to make a conscious effort to speak positively about your partner. Just be careful so that you don’t go overboard.

He might look like he doesn’t care about what you talked about him in front of other people. But deep down inside, he will feel respected and fantastic about himself. Your encouragement will mean the world to him.

Having a supportive woman by his side will make him feel like a real hero who can save the world!


7# Make him feel big and manly

Reminding your man how much you value his manly qualities will trigger his hero instinct, boost his confidence, and spark the romance between you.

Making your partner feel big and manly shouldn’t be hard. It is actually about the very simple everyday things and gestures.

Tell him how manly he is in the bedroom.

Ask him to open the jars for you.

Let him lift any heavier object.

Ask for his help to reach for something on the top shelf.

These simple things are actually your loving way of saying that you respect and admire his masculinity. You will be surprised at how this sort of stuff actually makes them feel most manly.

8# Let him protect you

No matter how strong and independent you are, let your man protect you. The male brain is wired to protect and provide.

And it is important to know that when a man protects, it never means that he thinks you’re incapable or weak. He actually just responding to his most basic biological instinct. As a man, he sees you as something valuable and worth protecting.

According to the journal published in Physiology and Behavior, they found that men’s testosterone makes them protective over their mate’s safety and wellbeing.

It is safe to say that men are protective by nature. When they are in their protection mode, they feel like a superhero. They are at their most masculine and their endorphins will make them feel good.

So let your man be your man and protect what he can fully protect.

9# Ask for his help around the house

Based on the man hero instinct concept, it has been highlighted that men loved when people look for them. It is about their instinct to be useful to the people around them.

So as his woman, make good use of him. Maybe you can try to challenge him with household chores.

Giving your man a challenge will definitely get his hero instinct revving. You can start with something simple that he has never or rarely done before. As an example, compete with him in preparing meals. Whoever wins will get the rewards.

When a man receives a challenge from the woman he loves, it will spark his desire to be better and try to win your affection. This fun activity will make you grow closer together!

10# Support him

This could be anything in everything, show your support. You can support his passion and interest. You can support his goals, ambition in his life, or his career.

Remember the quote, “behind every successful man, there is a woman.”

Be that woman. Your support and encouragement will mean everything to him.

Whether it is about football, computer games, or working on something in the garage, just let him know that you think it’s cool and you will always support him.

If he wants to improve himself, wants to go for a promotion, or wants to further studies, support him. Be his cheerleader, encourage him.

As for the challenges, whether he has some job-related challenges or something related to his personal life, let him know that you are standing by his side to support him.

Having a supportive woman by his side will trigger his hero instinct and help him move forward.

Want to Learn More about Hero Instinct?

The key to unlocking your man’s attention is NOT about everything you do for him. But it’s about how you RESPOND to everything he does for you.

When you do everything for your partner, during the process, you’re actually taking something away from him.

You’re taking away his purpose.

He wants to be your hero, not the other way around.

If his hero instinct is not being met, his attention will wander around until he finds a woman who can give it to him. Maybe only one from a thousand women who are known to do this instinctively. And they usually rise to unbelievable levels of influence and fame.

Trust me, when you know the secret of man’s hero instinct, you will be shocked by the result of the man you love. And if you’re interested to learn more about the secret of man’s hero instinct, I recommend you to check out this link and read my detailed explanation about the guide here.

Man’s hero instinct is a practical guide that uses simple strategies. And the best part, it is all related to your everyday things.

After you learn the concept, you can strengthen the bond you already have, or rekindle the in your love romance. Man’s hero instinct is the simple truth that is based on man’s psychology, natural instinct, and needs.

Flirty Text Message That Every Men Love

If you’re struggling with what to say to your man to bring the relationship closer together, you may need to check my other post: What to text a guy you like.

It’s may help you to get a better idea of how to text your guys. I also share a lot more information on what you should and what you shouldn’t when you’re texting with him.

And don’t forget to download my free guide on How to win a man’s heart. In this guidebook, we touch more on a specific topic that most women overlook.

Any other suggestions please leave your comment below. We love to hear your feedback! :)

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