We tend to thinks that a newborn baby as a symbol of happily married lives. But the reality is, a newborn can cause strain and become one the reason why married couple breakout.
Without having proper planning, having a baby might ruin your relationship. Researchers surveyed 452 separated parent and come up with the main factor why did they break up. Most of the reason is because of pressure from parenthood, stressful condition, and insufficient communication.
A study conducted over the past 13 years by The Gottman Institute has shown that 40-70% couples experience “stress, profound conflict, and drops in marital satisfaction” after the first few months having a child.
Raising children is not an easy task no matter who you are. You’ll start a sleepless night, lack of quality time with your partner, financially changes and lack of sex.
Lack of quality time
You can easily plan a short vacation, romantic dinner and exciting adventure when you still didn’t have a child. But when you have one, you probably didn’t get a chance to go to an actual date with your partner. It’s because your child has become your highest priority, not your partner.
Even before the baby born, you’ve already spent a lot of money. So many things that need to be prepared. You need to buy diapers, baby clothes, breast pump and more. So my advice is, start buying all the preparation material since the first month when you know that you’re pregnant.
In addition, newborns babies require extra attention and constant care which is come with a hefty price tag. Maybe you need to spend extra a few hundred dollars a week from your usual expenses. This financial strain can often cause stress, anger and ultimately a break-up.
The key to overcoming this situation is by having a realistic discussion with your spouse. Share your financial situation and find a way how to manage your expense. Whether you look for cheaper childcare, buy a secondhand stroller, find a cheap diaper and more. By doing this, you can relieve some stress that can lead to arguments.
Lack of sex
Other than money, sex is one of the top reason why couple argues. There are many factors in the bedroom that contribute to poor sex life. Such as lack of sleep, lack of quality time and lack of attention.
As for women, it could be because they feel less attractive due to post-baby weight, fear of soreness and physically / emotionally draining. So it’s important to not only understand your needs but try to focus on your spouse needs also. Finding alternative ways to build and regain intimacy is always a good choice.
How to overcome childbirth breakup?
In a healthy relationship, the couple will work together to complete the housework, do the dishes, change diapers and more. They’re aware of responsibilities and comforting each other. They do not run from their home life (stay at the office for a long hour, not coming home, refuse co-parenting duties, etc).
Just don’t have a kid is never a solution. Well, it’s a truth that the first few years after your child born will be though, but you can get through it together with your partner if you have patience and luck.
Try to follow these Yahoo Parenting tips for moms and dads from Malin Hansson, author, along with another author, Wendy Walsh. They share tips on how to keep your families together.
- Help your partner get their “own time”, whether they want to pursue their own interest before they had a kid. On the other way around, make sure you also get that time.
- Practice co-parenting, take an active share of parenting responsibility.
- Show gratitude. Appreciate your spouse, even for simple parenting task like emptying the diaper pail. Read our 7 Secrets To A Happy Marriage From Man’s Perspective.
- Share your feeling with your partner, talk about how you’re feeling, whether you lonely, frustrated, stress or even horny! And try not to attack your partner, word plays a very important role in communication. Use the word “I” rather than “You”. As an example “I would love you to help me around with the children,” not “You never help me around with the children!”. We discuss more about this on how to communicate effectively in a relationship.
- Practice sensuality in your daily life through simple gesture like kisses and hug.
- Seek counseling if needed before it’s too late to address issues in your relationship.
Marriage and kids are not easy, it’s come with big responsibility and patience, but the rewards are many. Don’t focus all your energy on the challenges, instead enjoys the parenting as a couple. Make a conscious effort to appreciate a good time with your families, it’s not easy but I promise you it will be worth it.
If you still consider divorce during baby’s infancy, I highly recommend you to seek outside support. I know even the most well-prepared new parents can’t predict everything in the dramatic changes in demands, lifestyles, and pressure that come along with the newborn baby’s.
When a couple no longer can handle their relationship, outside advice and resource can be tremendously beneficial. It could be a marriage therapist, support group, online support, pastor, or anything that can help you avoid the devastation of divorce.
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