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A Few Years Ago…

We’re going to have our first newborn baby. All the preparation is done. We’re so excited waiting for the newborn baby. We tend to think that a newborn baby as a symbol of happily married lives. At that time, we thought that we are the happiest couple in the world.

The truth is, we didn’t know the real challenge waiting for us.

And personally, I had no idea that a newborn can cause strain and become one of the reasons why married couple breakout. Instead of all the preparation has been done for the baby, we actually missed one important thing. We’re not mentally prepared.

We didn’t see that coming

A year after…

Raising a kid is never an easy task, no matter who you are. It takes a lot of effort, you’ll start a sleepless night, lack of quality time with your partner and the most crucial part for me is lack of sex.

We’re both working as a professional executive. It’s mean that we rarely spend time together.

Our daily routine was like wake up in the morning, send our daughter to a babysitter, going for work, coming back late, have dinner and sleep. The next morning, we repeat the same cycle.

Yes I know it’s not healthy for our relationship. It does actually create a wall between us. We rarely have a deep conversation together, and if one of us needs to work an extra hour, we take a turn to take care of our daughter.

Less sex almost destroys my relationship.

We rarely have sex, every time I ask her for sex, she will turn me down. She will say that’s she was tired, or she afraid to have another baby even if I’m wearing protection. Sometimes, she just said that she’s not prepared. All of these look like an excuse for me.

About sex, please don’t say that I’m selfish. I’m not talking about 1 or 2 months after she gives birth to our baby, I really appreciate her for that. But I’m talking about a year after that.

I feel very disappointed. Its feel like my desire has not been fulfilled. Something is missing, and I want it very badly. But I don’t want to force her, I’m also didn’t want to cheat on her because I still respect her as my partner.

Personally, I think my partner suddenly become a different person. She doesn’t treat me as the way she does (at this time, I didn’t know that she was stress). As a result, I’m also being cold and keep a distance from her.

I avoid spending time together. We don’t have dinner together, it looks like we just doing our own things and that it!

I’m getting a divorce!

I’m not happy with my own relationship. The only thing that keeps me going together is because of my daughter. Every single time when I was going to give up on my own relationship, I will think about my daughter. I didn’t want her to be sad, I didn’t want her to cry, and she needs a family. And we’re her family; I don’t want to ruin that.

I’m not sure what to do. The only thing that I know is, this is not a kind of families that I dream for. Not for my daughter.

So the only option that I can think of at that time is getting a divorce. But I still didn’t tell my wife anything. I want to talk to my parent first. To get a piece of advice for what I’ve been through.

Cut it short, when I meet my parent, I tell them everything. My father just sits there silently pretend that he didn’t care. But my mother actually gives me good advice that I remember it clearly until today.

She said, “It’s not easy to changes people mindset, and it’s not easy to changes people attitude. It’s beyond your control. But what you can do now is changes something within your reach. In other words, changes yourself first. You’re a mirror to your partner. Whatever she’s doing right now is a reflection from your action.”

All her words hit through to my heart. I’m speechless, she was right. I’ve done a lot of terrible things to her. I’ve always thought about myself. I didn’t think from her perspective. I’m being unfair to my partner.

A breath of fresh air

On the next morning, I try to talk with my wife. I asked her about her problem, what did I do wrong and be open with me if there is anything that she wants to complain.

But she said everything is good and there’s nothing to talk about.

It’s mean that she didn’t want to talk about it and let’s give her some space okay?

So I proceed with my plan. First, I start with changing my schedule, I spend more time at home; spend more time with my daughter. On my free time, I help her with household chores like cleaning the house, cleaning the table, do laundry and etc. I do all these things without her asks.

I give my best in everything I do. Sometimes, I cook dinner for her with a sticky note saying how much I love her. I also surprise her with a bouquet of flower.

One day when I was washing dishes, she comes and hugs me from the back. She was crying and said something like, “I’m sorry for everything, you work so hard to repair this relationship but I’m doing nothing. I am not aware of your feeling. Please forgive me”.

We had a long deep conversation that night. She told me everything that she was stress with her work, doesn’t have enough rest, she also needs to take care of our daughter, at the same times she needs to take care of the house.

She blames her own self a lot, that’s why she depressed. The truth is, we’re lacking communication. We tend to assume things instead of discussing them together. We talked a lot about the problem instead of a solution.

I think that is how we grow. She also promises me that she will work hard to keep our relationship happy and stronger.

A happy relationship improve my sex life

Some people say that sex is a barometer for a healthy relationship. And I quite agree to that statement. When you’re emotionally happy, you tend to enjoy sex more than you always do.

Remember that I said my wife is always giving me an excuse when I asked her for sex? Well not anymore. She enjoys doing it. Because when I help her (doing all the chores and so on), in return she always tried hard to please me.

Without me even knowing, she studies on how to give good BJ, new sexual position, how to take lead, men mental G-spot, dirty talk and etc. She also buys new sexy lingerie for me.

When I’m outstation she teases me using text. Its make me think a lot about her. And she always prepared a surprise for me after I come back from outstation. I didn’t know how to describe this. I just know that I’m totally obsessed with my wife right now. She controlling my mind and I hate that! LOL

Guys, if you want good sex, I got a simple tip for you. Keep your wife happy!

I really love when she talks dirty to me during sexual intercourse. It’s basically not “dirty”, it’s an erotic language. It is how you expressed your feeling during lovemaking. The rule of thumb of dirty talk is; before you make love, tell him what you want. During sexual intercourse, tell him what you feel.

Dirty talk is about feedback for me. Its feel like my wife is telling me that I’ve done a good job. It’s kind of honor for me to serve her. I write a long guide about this topic: Dirty talk for the beginner. Because I think all women need to learn this technique. Call me bias, but I really do recommend it.

Feeling happy is a blessing from God

A happy relationship is a gift from God. It’s not something that you can buy with your money. You need to work for it. Don’t go and tell everyone that your partner is blah blah blah. If you have a problem with your relationship, don’t start with your partner.

Always start with yourself first. I’m not telling you to change who you are. But you’ll always in the position to become a better person for a better future.