What To Do When He Pulls Away And How To Win Him Back?

Reading Time: 11 minutes

This article covers all the basic things that you need to know about what to do when he pulls away. It’s quite long, so you may need a cup of coffee while you read it. ;)

what to do when he pulls away

You might be dating someone right now, you really like him and you think you’re compatible with him. He also shows the same interest. He gives you the attention that you wanted, making time for you, and generally letting you know how grateful he is to have met you.

But, when you feel like your relationship is going to the next step, something happens…

Out of the blue, he starts to pull away, and you’re left wondering what’s going on. He doesn’t say anything to you about it, but you know your man has been distant.

Read Next: Why Do Men Pull Away After Getting Close?

No matter how much you try to ignore it, having someone you care about pull away from you is not easy. And the worst part, you had no idea why he was pulling away. You already analyze every single thing you could have said or done, but still didn’t get the answer.


Rest assured, the very first step you should take is, stop overthinking and don’t panic. In today’s article, we will discuss a few common topics of what are the signs of men pulling away, why men pull away, how to react and how to win him back.

Here we’ve put together all the subtopics. You can click each link to read your preferable subtopic:

Signs he is pulling away

He’s acting differently, not as usual and it quite scary. You’re starting to think that he’s pulling away, but you’re not sure. That is a terrifying thought. Especially for those who’ve been down that road before. Having the same nightmare is not a great experience.

Slowly it can make you stress and even more stressful to your relationship. That why it’s important for you to know about the problems, how to react to them, and handle them carefully. With proper action, you can bring the relationship back from the brink.

Learn the signs he is pulling away, figure out what is going on, clear the communication and hopefully solve the problems.

So in this section, we’ll talk about the signs that a guy withdrawing from a relationship. I will share with you a list of things that guys always do when they’re pulling away.

1# He acting distant all of a sudden

It could be that he’s losing interest, or it doesn’t mean like that. Men are different from women. They are often dealing with their problem by retreating rather than relying on you or the others.

So, he may have something going on with his personal life, stressed out or emotionally off-balance that taking up his attention.

This can be hard for most women to understand because, for women, they love to share their thought with their partners.

2# He text back less and less

He tries to avoid your text. It may take him a few hours or days just to reply to your texts. He may give a lot of excuses for why he didn’t reply to your text, or he could just silently ignore your texts. When they don’t bother to tell you about their life, or simply don’t want to share it with you – it’s a strong sign that he is pulling away.

Read Next: New Guide On What To Text A Guy To Get His Attention

But don’t rush to a conclusion, perhaps there’s something going on at work or in his family that causing stress. And they’re not ready to discuss with you yet. So, give him some time and space that he needs.

3# He no longer initiates thing

He not initiating plans or texts as often as before. No longer good morning or goodnight text. And no longer weekend hangout activity. For women, changes in behavior are hard to ignore. It affects them emotionally and mentally.

Because we know when men interested in women, they tend to initiates things. So when he stops initiates, it worrisome.

Just for a reminder, if you’re already in a relationship for quite some time, you can’t expect him to court you non-stop. You need to be considerate in this kind of ‘topic’.

4# He being way more secretive

Everyone has their own privacy. But if this happens suddenly, keep in mind that it is not normal. You can tell the difference if he is more secretive with their texts, always put the phone in his pocket and take calls in another room.

This is a clear sign that he is not interested to share his personal life with you or he just has someone else other than you. If this happens to you, whatever the reason, you should have a good discussion about your relationship ship status with your partner.

5# He’s too busy to keep plans

Did he always give an excuse or another when you make a plan? Suddenly got work that needs to be done, has to see friends or anything. And you feel that he keeps knocking you off the priority list?

Well, canceling every time is rude. And if he is really interested in you, he will make you a priority. Even if he needs to cancel the appointments, he will arrange another plan for you.

In order to confirm whether he is pulling away or not, you need to check this behavior along with his other behaviors. Because it is also possible that he just suddenly been busy or he feels that things are more established between you, and you’re understanding his situation.

Just pay attention to how often it happens. If it constantly happens, you may need to talk with him about your current relationship issues.

question to ask yourself before you start dating

Why do men pull away?

The reasons men pull away can mean any number of things. And it not necessarily that your relationship is in bad condition. Sometimes it has nothing to do with “you” at all. Maybe, that is how your men prefer to deal with stress and difficulties. And the other part, it’s really because of you.

A guy pulling away is actually quite normal. It’s natural for him to drift away at some times. Maybe he’s going through something that you didn’t know and he is not ready to share those things with you. Because men didn’t want to be seen as weak. They choose to hide their emotions and also their problems.

That why it’s important to remind yourself that if he is acting distant, don’t strictly jump to conclusions and panic. Your relationship situation totally depends on your actions.

By knowing how to manage this situation properly, you can prevent the situation from getting worse. From time to time, it’s going to become less and less frequent.

Here are a few reasons why do men pull away:

1# It’s not your fault, at all.

He might struggle with his works, his life, health, family, financial status, or anything. That slowly consumes his mind, energy, and attention for you.

Whatever the reasons, if it has nothing to do with you, don’t bother to push him by asking him to tell the truth. It’s not working. Men typically prefer to deal with the problem on their own. This is why he didn’t tell you or ask for your help.

So, being panic and get very anxious is just going to make him pulls away even more. Instead, show your support by giving him the space that he needed. As an example, you can send a text message:

“Hi, I’m not sure what happened to you. But if you need some time to wraps things up please do so. I just want you to know that I’m always here if you need me.”

This message shows that you’re willing to understand his situation and allow him to do his thing. However, don’t wait for him forever. I will share with you a few other suggestions down below, and if it still not work, just moves on to a better person.

2# He’s having doubt about the relationship

Doubt in a relationship is pretty common. It is unavoidable and sometimes it’s not necessarily a bad sign. Because as a human being, it’s natural to feel confused with the relationship. No matter how long you’ve been together.

But, having too much doubt isn’t good either. And it will be getting worse without proper communication. Eventually, it can push your loved one away.

That’s what happens for most of the men that pull away. He may have his own reason to doubt a relationship. It could be because he’s losing interest and want to rethink the relationship. Or it was because of his fear.

Maybe he’s been hurt in the past, so the idea of commitment simply horrifies him. He doesn’t have the confidence to move forward. If you want to support him, you need to be calm and don’t push him too hard. Let him deal with what’s scaring him.

3# You freak him out

It happens all the time. He thinks that he knows you. You’re funny, caring, lovely and hygiene. But then he finds out, oh you’re a bit different. You’re controlling, clingy, insecure, and a dirty person! No wonder that he loses attraction.

The above situation is just an example. There are many other reasons why men pull away:

  • Maybe you didn’t give him space when he needs it
  • He feels trapped or afraid to lose his freedom
  • Your family doesn’t like him
  • Your future doesn’t line up with him
  • You’re rude to his best friend/family members

The list can go on and on, nonstop. He may pull away because of you, but don’t totally blame yourself.

For me, if he doesn’t like you because of your body shape, your skin color, your hair, or anything that didn’t benefit you. Just leave him be and find someone else better. He is not worth your time and your love.

But, if he didn’t like something about you because he thinks that you can be a much better person. Then you need to consider his opinion. As an example:

  • He didn’t want you to eat junkie and overweight. You should eat more healthy food.
  • Take care of your hygiene, clean your room and your house.
  • Reduces alcohol and cigarette. Stop if possible.
  • Take care of your appearance.
  • Live a healthy lifestyle.
  • And etc.

I didn’t agree 100% with the quote “just be yourself”. Simple explanation, if you can be better, why not?

Here you may need to watch a video from Mathew Boggs, he shares a very interesting point of why men pull away when things are good.

When he pulls away, should I do the same?

It’s natural for women to feel worried and put more effort into the situation when their man is pulling away. They tend to fix the situation by trying to get closer to him and involved in his life. Ask him a lot of questions to dig what’s going on to figure out the root of the problem.

Sad to say, this reaction always causes the opposite of their desired effect. Men tend to pull away, even more, when women try hard to pull them back. So the best way to stop them from withdrawing is to stop trying to pull him back.

We are not going to teach you to ignore your man. But this suggestion is more focused on yourself. Increase your attraction so that he draws to you as he was before.

How to win him back after he pulls away?

Giving room for each other may heal your relationship. It prevents your situation from getting worse.

Sometimes, being apart from each other allow you to reset and feel comfortable with yourself. It enables you to recharge your energy. You can go to your favorite island, spend your time reading your favorite book, hang out with your girls and do anything that you wanted.

All things need rest and refreshment, including relationships. So use this time to:

1# Don’t stress out

Stressing out is never be a solution. No matter how much you love him and worried about him, do not let your emotions consume you. Don’t make a decision based on your emotion. You need to know what you’re dealing with first before trying to fix it.

Maybe he has just been busy with his life. And don’t expect him to chase you all over again like he did when you first start dating. He may initiate often when he tries to win over you. But once things have gotten more stable, he will start to slow down. Remember, he also has jobs and lives.

So the first step is, figure out what problem you’re dealing with. Check back all the signs that I mention above. If it clear that he’s pulling away, you can proceed with the next step.

2# Focus on yourself

Don’t try to call him or text him. Just leave him alone at this moment in time. No need to remind him that you exist and waiting for him.

If he wants some space to settle up his things, take this opportunity to take some time to focus on yourself also. Recall back things that you really want to do, your goals, your friends, your hobby, or anything.

Use this time to focus on things that can boost your own self-worth. As an example going to the gym, practicing yoga, and meditation. Many studies have shown that exercise can improve your self-esteem and mental health.

When you focus on your things, you slowly raise the attraction that he feels for you. Because when you don’t chase and focuses on your own thing, you show your strength and confidence. Which is are attractive qualities for men.

how to start dating again

3# Get ready for the better relationship

There is a moment in your life where you need to be alone to reflect on who you are, how your life, where’s your direct, and what’s your plan. Use this time to rekindle with your own voice.

Check back your past relationship with him, get a new idea for your relationship, and more. Rekindle with your own voice also can help you solve your own problems without comparing them to another person’s opinions.

Other than that, you can use that space to do things on your own and bring those new experiences to the table. If you recall back, there were times when you spend time with your partner, but you don’t actually interact with him.

Both of you just sitting in silence playing with the phone. It should be no problem if this happens once in a while. However, if this happens too frequently, you need to admit that both of you literally have nothing to talk about.

So by taking some time off to focus on your personal time is not a big deal. You’ll have better preparation and have more things to talk about with your partner.

4# Check in after a few weeks

Yes, you don’t want to put pressure on him, but it doesn’t mean that you should just ignore him. After you’ve spent some time (a week or two) focusing on yourself, it time to check where he’s at.

Shoot him a positive message about your life that makes your interest clear and gives him a chance to be involved. Just a quick text message is enough. Let him know that you’re thinking about him and offer some help if he needs it.

Don’t mention anything about his disappearance, just keep it light and casual. If he still ignores your text and shows no interest, it’s time to move on. You’ve already made your interest clear, but he didn’t respond to that feeling.

There are more amazing guys out there, who would be more than happy to accept you in their lives. Time to fly babeh!

5# Welcome him when he comes back

If he chooses to come back, welcome him. Don’t pout, give him positive reinforcement. You need to move forward with a clean heart. Do not hold onto resentment or anger.

You might not agree with me, but I still think that you didn’t need to let him know about how badly you’re hurt when he pulled away. Hold your emotion, show your confidence, be open, and don’t judge anything until he says something about it.

The chances are high that he will say sorry about it. He might tell you everything about why he has been missing. Don’t bother about whether it’s true or not, he just expressing how bad he feels about it. So leave it alone and move forward.

Final thought…

I hope this article helped you understand exactly what to do when he pulls away, the reason behind that and how to react to the situation. It may not complete, but I think it’s enough to cover all the basic parts of the problem.

Remember, if someone is committed to the relationship, then he is most likely not gonna fade away. He may take some time to settle things (which is what we’ve been discussed below), but he will not ghosting you.

But, if he just fades away, without any feedback, and you’ve already put an effort to restore the relationship. My advice is, don’t waste your time and your tear on him. He’s not worth it, just move forward to find a better person. That’s all from me. I would love to hear any questions regarding this topic, please leave your comment below. I will answer all your questions myself.

p/s: If you recently face this kind of situation or having an unexpected breakup, and hoping for advice from a relationship expert, I suggest you check the ex-factor guide from Brad’s Browning.

It’s very helpful for someone who is recently breakup. However, please check my The Ex Factor Guide Reviews first, because I already write a few important points that might be helpful for you.

2 replies
  1. Miss S
    Miss S says:

    Thank you for the article, fantastic read and advise.

    My ex oulled away which ended our relationship, i left hjm alone. Aftee 3 months of no contact he got in touch, lots of apologies and excuses. How i deserve so much better, he pushed me away because i deserve a life and not have to deal with his problems (he is a single full time dad, who also helps alot with his elderly parents and is a 3 hour drive away from me) He said he was stressed with life.
    Fast forward after the 3 months, we went another 3 weeks without speaking then a few light text messages just catching up. This lead to a very intense 3 hour phone call. I told him i didn’t want to lose him, he told me he never would. Basically we would like to keep in touch and see what happened. We have spoken via text a few times, mainly him initiating. Sometimes all day conversations but mainly light conversations of our day.
    I can now feel him pulling away, he messaged me 6.30am with a Morning text 3 days ago, very brief connversation and my last message has now been left on unread.
    I am giving him space but also do not know what to do. Trying to stay calm, i am guessing my best action is to just leave him alone. Why go to the effort to message then just disappear?
    I really would appreciate some wise words.
    Thank you.

    • Harry
      Harry says:


      Thank you for taking the time to share your situation here. Honestly, I’m not sure how to respond to your problem because I’m not fully aware of your current situation. But I will just share my opinion based on what you’ve shared above. I think you can try to communicate your feeling calmly, tell him that you respect him, and understand if he needs some time to deal with whatever situation his dealing with right now. You also can tell him that you’re here to listen and support him. At the same time, try to avoid putting pressure on him to engage in constant communication.

      And for you, while you give him space. Take this opportunity to focus on your own being. Engage in activities that bring you joy, start your hobby, pursue your own goals, and spend time with supportive friends and family. Always be open to different outcomes and possibilities. Remember, no matter what is the outcomes, it is important to prioritize your own emotional well-being and happiness.


Leave a Reply

Want to join the discussion?
Feel free to contribute!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *