Letting go of someone you love is one of the hardest things to do in our life. Our mind already makes a decision to let them go, but emotionally we feel hurt, confused, and complicated. We still not sure whether that was the right decision or not.
“You will find that it is necessary to let things go; simply for the reason that they are heavy. So let them go, let go of them.” ― C. JoyBell C.
Have you ever heard a story of holding a glass of water? No? It’s a great inspiring story. A story about one Professor began his class by holding a glass of water. He held the glass and start asking his student how much the glass weight?
It could be 50gms, 100gms, or 125gms, the student answered. Then the Professor said he also doesn’t know the weight of the glass, his true question is what will happen if he held up the glass for a minute. His student said nothing will happen.
And what happens if that Professor held up the glass for an hour? One of the students said his arm would begin to ache. The Professor continues, what will happen if he held it for a day?
“Your arm could go numb, your muscle might stress and paralysis. End up, you may need to go to the hospital”, the student answered. But did the weight of the glass change? Obviously no. The cause of the pain was because you held up the glass for a long time.
The same goes for your problem, if you have a problem in your relationship, don’t hold it for a long time. You must know when you should let it go, otherwise, the problem of the relationship might hurt you more than you ever know.
When You Should Let Go of Someone You Love
Knowing how to end a relationship with someone is a key to being able to cut your losses, maintain your mental health, and your well-being. Here are the 7 signs of when to let go of someone you love based on the expert review.
1- Every day is a war – you argue constantly.
Every couple argues, we can say that this is normal in any relationship. If you argue in a good way, it’s can help you to share your opinion on the issues and move forward with the solution.
However, it will be a little bit abnormal if both of you can’t seem to agree on anything. Whatever you or your partner do will end up with the argument.
Basically, when you argue, you actually want your partner to understand your perspective and reasoning. That’s why you try to voice out your opinion.
But sometimes, because of the difference in communication styles and relationship experiences, an argument can be your scariest enemy. And it will be worse if your argument is used as a way to insult your partner.
You should not disrespect your partner’s character, traits, or purposely said something to hurt them emotionally.
Of this type of argument happens in your relationship, it’s probably a good time to take a break. Having a healthy argument is okay and reasonable, but it should not be done in a way that makes other people feel hurt and offended.
2- Your partner trying to ‘fix’ you.
You should never be like another person just to entertain someone else. First of all, it’s exhausting, and it’s show that your relationship is not consensual. If he not accepting you the way you’re, why bother to have a serious relationship with him?
Note: But, do not too comfortable with “the way you’re” right now. If you have some space of you which is lacking, try to improve it. Don’t be someone else, but be a better version of yourself. It won’t hurt you to upgrade yourself to be a better person.
It’s wiser to lose someone rather than being someone that you didn’t want to be. Because a great relationship is a combination of two imperfect couple, who are completing and supporting each other. If your partner truly loves you, he wouldn’t be trying to ‘fix’ you.
3- You are being disrespected.
Respect is one of the most important aspects of any relationship. It does not matter whether you’re men or women, it’s compulsory to respect your partner. It’s a key to happiness for a long-lasting relationship.
On the other hand, disrespect can ruin and destroy the relationship. Disrespect may come in many forms, sometimes you may not fully recognize it on the surface, but you’ll always feel it.
Behaviors such as cheating, lying, and insults, are all signs of disrespect. Because it shows that your partners are not concern about your feeling. All of these types of behavior can affect you mentally and emotionally.
If you’re not sure whether your partner is disrespecting or just unaware, you can try to consult your partner first. Tell them that you’re unhappy with his certain type of behavior, and it’s hurt your feeling.
Then monitor what happens after the discussion, if your partner makes an effort to understand your perspective and try to improve their behavior, they actually care about you.
But, if they didn’t care about what actually happens, and still showing a lack of respect for you, it’s time to make a decision and moving forward.
4- Your trust is continuously broken.
Who agrees with me if I said trust and loyalty is priority number one in a relationship. Trust is the faith that you put in your partner, it’s a foundation for a long-lasting relationship, while mistrust is the one who destroys it. Nothing weakens a relationship more than dishonesty.
Trust can help your relationship survive the hardest of times, it makes you both feel safe. But without trust, you can’t even sustain your relationship, sooner or later, your relationship might fall apart.
Having someone you love continuously break your trust is heartbreaking. It means that they don’t even care about your feelings. If this happens to you, you need to know that this is not your fault. Because sometimes, women tend to believe that betrayal was in some way their fault.
They have thoughts such as, “He cheated because I’m not good enough” or “He won’t betray me if I’m better than this” and etc.
Please stop this, it is not your fault. He has the choice and he chooses to betray you and your trust. If you think that you want to be better, prepare yourself for your next relationship.
5- They take things for granted.
If someone really wants you in their life, they will work hard to make you happy. Do not hold on to a relationship with someone who takes things for granted. It’s not worth your time and your efforts.
Know your worth, place your price! When you give yourselves to someone who doesn’t value you, it’s like you surrender your soul and never get it back.
In a relationship, the energy flow between the couple mostly equal. That why it’s important for you to practice give-and-take. Do not practice one person doing all the work, you’ll create an unbalance and a disconnected relationship.
Let’s say you’ve been doing most of the work to maintain your relationship. Why not you try to take a big step backward and see what happens. If your partner starts to pick up the slack and come toward you, then your partner still has the effort to repair the relationship.
However, if they do not come toward you, instead they get angry and continue to drift away, I think you better check back what you really want in your relationship.
6- The goodness is gone.
In any new relationship, there’s always have a feeling of happiness and excitement because someone we like is coming into our lives. We’ll start care for each other, supporting each other, and love each other! That’s how we feel, it’s intoxicating.
But if you’re in a bad relationship with someone and you increasingly have a negative feeling when they were around you, it’s likely that you’re being with someone who is not compatible with you.
Chemistry and shared value are important, a solid relationship is built from the goodness that exists between two people.
Goodness is what holds the relationship together. It is the willingness to forgive a mistake and tolerate an annoying habit from the partner. It is the support, respect, dedication, responsible, admiration, and commitment you have for each other.
You might have this at the early stage of your relationship, but now it erodes slowly over time.
The goodness may be fading because of argument, anger, distance, lack of respect and etc. Unfortunately, once the goodness fade, it’s very hard to regain and eventually will hurt your relationship.
7- They don’t make future plans with you.
If someone really loves and cares for you, they will make everything clear. It could be their job, their schedule, and their future plans with you. It means that they have prioritized you in their life.
It’s not because you want to depend on them. But you need to realize, people who are undependable often find an assortment of excuses. Someone undependable is mainly not a person worthy of your presence, and your future.
I’m not saying that you need to know all his future plans right away, but if you’ve been with someone for more than 1 year and they don’t have any plan where things may head with you, they’re not really into you. Love yourselves enough to know that you deserve better.
It’s important for you to know that you never need to settle down for someone who isn’t right for you. We’re not living in a fairy tale, people break promises, loves, and hurt you. Remove the toxic from your life. You know you deserve better. Remember, you can always start dating again.
One Thing That Proves You’re Meant For Each Other
People say the meaning of our life is to find our gift. And the purpose of our life is to give it away.
But in order to give, there’s must be someone to receive it. So who should you give it to?
I bet you already have that ‘someone’ image on your thoughts right now. And as you read this phrase, you can roughly picture his face.
The thing is, you’re not really sure about that. Thinking about him brings up mixed emotions. Because you know that your relationship has potential. And you know how good you could be together.
Yet there’s a pain in there. And that pain comes from the fact that something is blocking you from giving away your greatest gift. Your love…
I know it’s not easy to let go of someone you love. When you’ve shared a special connection with someone, it’s not easy to let it go. Especially when you know, deep in your heart there’s still a lot of potentials to improve the relationship.
You could build a beautiful life together, make a better future.
If that something that you want, then it’s worth fighting for.
But then something comes to your mind. Your own thoughts. And it could be something like this…
“Why not I just settle for some other guy?”
“Why not I pour my love into a guy who adores me more then he did?”
Let me ask you, is that okay to have a relationship with some pudgy guy, poor social skill, and have body odor? But he appreciates your love more than anyone you’ve ever met? Should both of you elope?
Of course not. Even he is a normal guy with a handsome face, you may get the same answer.
Because it’s about mutual desire. Deep down in your heart, he’s not the one. Your heart already makes a decision. She already chooses someone…
And don’t hold your cards, “I’ll only reveal my true feelings if he goes first.”
If you want to win back your man’s heart, there’s something that you need to know. Showing that you still like him is not enough.
You need to find and get past the barriers that are currently keeping you both apart.
No matter how stubborn he is, no matter how “logical” his decision, he’s still human. Which means, his emotion might drive his decision-making more than anything else.
Here the secret to getting back to your loved one. Forget about convincing him to give things one more try. Instead, you should focus on changing the way he feels.
Sounds right? If you like the idea, but you’re not sure where to start, I recommend you to check the relationship rewrite method by James Bauer. I’m not being biased, but it’s really worth your time to check his video.
It could be the beginning of a new chapter with your ex, just waiting for you to turn the page.